Clichés

Conversation 23

ADEIMANTUS. I’m sorry I was a bit late at the meeting point for our ride this morning, Socrates.

SOCRATES. Better late than never, Adeimantus.

A. Hang on, Socrates! There you go throwing a cliché at me after taking me to task for unintentionally using a cliché when I took you task for calling the waiter a waitress!¹

S. So I did, Adeimantus. I only ‘took you to task’ on that occasion to keep you in your place after you ‘took it upon yourself’ to criticise me. Never be afraid to use a cliché.

A. I’m surprised to hear you say that, Socrates. I had thought that, being something of a literary gentleman, you would have frowned on the use of clichés.

S. Not at all, Adeimantus. The cliché is God’s gift for saving time when we converse. It’s perfectly natural to use clichés. We all do it, more or less unconsciously. These stock phrases spring to mind automatically, without any effort, when we speak. It is the ‘predictive text’ of the brain.

A. I hadn’t thought of it that way.

S. Just imagine how tedious conversation would be if we had to think of original phrasings every time we spoke.

A. I see what you mean.

S. Clichés work because they capture the meaning we intend to convey with pithy economy, and everyone knows precisely what you mean.

CRITOBULUS. So, do you never avoid clichés, Socrates?

S. Not often, Critobulus. After all, most of what we say is not very original. On the odd occasion when I think I have something original or important to say, I strive to say it in very direct language, without using stock phrases. Stock phrases make the listener lazy. When they hear a cliché, they think they know what you are saying without really listening. If you avoid stock phrases, the listener is forced to think about your meaning.

A. I must bear that in mind.

S. Have you ever listened to the broadcast of an AFL² match on the radio?

A. Once or twice.

S. You must have noticed that the commentators, and the players and coaches they interview, can talk all afternoon using nothing but clichés. It’s very soothing to listen to. You don’t have to think at all.

C. Give us some examples.

A. (Imitating a football commentator) What a big week it’s been in football!

S. (Responding in kind) Yeah Ads³, and we’re getting to the business end of the season. It all goes⁴ well for a nail biter this afternoon.

A. You’re not wrong, Socs. I reckon we’re looking at an eight-point game. The Tiges⁵ have been playing a good brand of footy lately, and the Blues haven’t been too sloppy either.

S. Now we cross to Jimbo who’s down on the boundary with Tiges’ coach, Macca.

A (alias Jimbo). Macca! How did the boys shape up in training this week?

S (alias Macca). Yeah, I liked what I saw this week, Jimbo. After a couple of near misses recently, the boys needed to take a long hard look at themselves. They’ve put in the hard yards at training, and I reckon we’re about to turn the corner.

A (alias Jimbo). This has always been a happy hunting ground for the Tiges, Macca.

S (alias Macca). Yeah, but we’re not getting carried away with ourselves. There are no easy games in this league. We need to take every game as it comes, moving forward.

A (alias Jimbo). Well, thanks for those insights, Macca. Have a good one. Back to you, Socs.

(After the game.)

A. Well, it’s all over bar the shouting! What a game, Ads. Who would have thought, with the Tigers holding a five-goal advantage at three-quarter time, that the Blues would come storming home to win by the narrowest of margins?

S. It just goes to show, it’s not over ‘til it’s over.

A. And a champion team will beat a team of champions every time.

S. Never a truer word, Socs. Jimbo’s got Blues captain, Jezza, for a quick word. Over to you, Jimbo.

A (alias Jimbo). You gave the Blues supporters a fright there, Jezza. Did you think you’d get up?

S (alias Jezza) Yeah, nah …. We knew they’d come out hard. I guess we're just happy to get the four points.

A (alias Jimbo) You were under big scoreboard pressure going into the final term. What did you say to the boys at the break?

S (alias Jezza) I just reminded them, ‘No Guts No Glory, boys’. And full credit to the boys, they left everything they had out on the field today.

A (alias Jimbo). How do you see things shaping up for the Blues, moving forward, Jezza? Are you expecting an easy run to the finals?

S (alias Jezza). Yeah, nah …. We're just taking it one week at a time, Jimbo. We're not where we need to be yet, but we're getting closer. We just need to stick to the basics and manage any injuries over the next few weeks.

A. (alias Jimbo). Well congratulations on a great final quarter, Jezza. I’ll let you get back to the boys.

S. (alias Jezza). No worries, Jimbo.

C. (Laughs) Ha ha. That was a ‘tour de force’.

S. I think you mean ‘tour de farce’, Critobulus.

C. Possibly. Anyway, the football commentary must be very reassuring and soothing for the listeners.

S. Yes, Critobulus, the football commentary is a ‘safe space’ for the fans, a place where after a hard week’s work they can relax without the fear of being challenged by unfamiliar vocabulary or complex grammar.

E. I didn’t know you and Adeimantus were such great fans of football.

S. I can’t speak for Adeimantus, but I am not a huge fan. You only have to listen to a couple of matches to pick up most of the terminology.

C. Why is the crowd at a football match always shouting ‘Ball!’?

E. It’s an abbreviation for, ‘Holding the ball’. They’re drawing the umpire’s attention to an infringement of the rules.

S. That’s not so much a cliché as an example of the Australian genius for economy of speech.

E. I know a better example, ‘G’.

S. You refer to the most extreme abbreviation of all, Euthydemus. I think you’d better explain that one for Critobulus.

E. Not content with using the acronym MCG for the Melbourne Cricket Ground, Melbournians shorten ‘MCG’ to ‘G’, as in ‘See you at the G.’

S. Wonderful!

C. I still can’t quite believe you are seriously advocating the use of clichés, Socrates.

S. If you insist on being creative, Critobulus, you can always modify a cliché.

C. Such as?

S. Well, there was my ‘tour de farce’ example. And instead of saying, ‘It was all over bar the shouting’, you could refer to a conflict by saying, ‘It was all over bar the shooting’.

A. That’s all a bit ‘punnish’, Socrates.

S. I think you are ‘hoist on your own petard’, Adeimantus, and you have to admit that, used cleverly, my modified clichés could be both colourful and apt.

A. Touché, Socrates.

C. Are there any clichés you can’t bear, Socrates?

S. I find ‘reaching out’ hard to stomach.

C. More like ‘retching out’, would you say?

S. I will allow that one, Critobulus. I was first ‘reached out to’ about five years ago and it’s only become worse since then. Even quite proper people are saying it.

A. What’s your problem with it?

S. It reeks of patronising false emotional intelligence. ‘Emotional intelligence’ is almost as bad. When someone assures me they will reach out to me, I imagine them with a sugary sad expression, reluctantly extending a hand to me as I flounder hopelessly in a swirling sea, which I got into through my own foolishness.

E. They don’t mean it that way. It’s just a stock phrase that signifies nothing.

S. I wish I could believe that, Euthydemus.

A. Is it possible to overuse clichés, would you say, Socrates?

S. Hardly ever. At the end of the day, when all is said and done, and the cows come home, and the chickens have come home to roost, never waste your energy searching for original wording when a cliché will suffice.

1. See the conversation Waiter or Waitress?

2. Australian Football League, Australian Rules football.

3. Short for ‘Adeimantus’.

4. Misspeak for ‘augers’.

5. Short for ‘Tigers’.